


Playing God

by CelestialBound



Series: Religious Mishaps [3]
Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe - The Good Place (TV) Fusion, Angel/Human Relationships, Heaven, Inspired By, M/M, Religion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-27 06:18:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18733309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialBound/pseuds/CelestialBound
Summary: David wakes up in Heaven, and is met with his guardian angel, Daniel.Except Heaven isn't really what David expected it to be like.





	1. Heaven's... Receptionist Desk?

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! I started yet ANOTHER work in progress. When will I ever stick to one project? Sigh. Once again, we'll see where this goes, and I may take my time with it so please be patient! Thank you <3

The first thing he saw when he was conscious was brightness. Just a white light that burned his eyes making him close them for another minute. He groaned as he tried again, then sat up. It was an office waiting room, which he assumed must have been the one at his own workplace. He was surprised no one was in there, asking him if he needed help, but knowing the people he worked with, it wasn’t much of a shock that they’d leave him there and act like nothing was happening. The bright light was just the overbearing overhead lights that buzzed like a gather of flies. David held onto one of the chairs and got himself up off the ground. 

 

He looked around, there was an exit and a receptionist desk. Normally he would have went straight for the exit, but something wasn’t right about the room. It wasn’t the one at his office, unless they had things rearranged. But painting the walls and moving a whole desk in one night? Improbable. Unless he had been there for days, also improbable. Even his apathetic coworkers would have acknowledged him by now. 

 

He went up to the receptionist desk and rung the small bell on the surface, expecting someone to come by. No one did, even when he rung it again. He went for the exit but a man came out of one of the back rooms with a bunch of papers.

 

“Oh! You’re here early!”

 

David turned his back, “Uh, early for what?”

 

He was a man of tall stature, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a perfect white smile. He approached David, gathering the papers into one arm to hold out a pale hand for him to shake. David did as expected, getting a firm grasp on his hand and shaking it out of politeness. When they both pulled away the man continued smiling for a moment before speaking up again to answer David’s question,

 

“You’re early for your appointment! Honestly, I wasn’t expecting you so soon! I still have to get all of these darn papers filed. You must know how that is, you worked at an office!”

 

“Wait what? Did I get fired?”

 

Daniel laughed, “Well, that probably would have been a lot easier, wouldn’t it? Come on! I’ll explain everything in my office.”

 

David had no recollection of an appointment, or getting fired from his job. But the man didn’t give him a single moment to ask another question as he continued into one of the two hallways that was on either side of the receptionist desk. He went to the left which was the opposite of where he first appeared from. David rushed along after him. Daniel stood in front of a door, waiting for something. David stood there watching. The silence broke as the other male gave an awkward, ‘help’.

 

“Oh!” David exclaimed as he opened the door for the man who had his hands full of papers.

 

“Thank you.” The blonde said, walking in and collapsing the files onto the white desk that matched the white walls.

 

David stood at the doorway in suspense.

 

“Don’t just stand there silly! Come on in.” The man said, taking his seat behind the desk.

 

David walked in and took his seat at the single chair in front of it, “So, about where I am?”

 

“You’re in Heaven!”

 

David laughed, “Surely no place is that perfect. What’s this place called?”

 

“Heaven!” He exclaimed again.

 

“Uhm, that’s an odd name for a company.”

 

Daniel laughed again, “You newcomers sure are entertaining. All questions, no answers. But that’s completely normal!”

 

David looked to the nameplate on his desk, which only had a single first name engraved in gold, “Daniel, may I ask what this appointment is for? I don’t ever remember making it…”

 

He still held that grin, “ _ You _ didn’t make it, God did!”

 

“I-- uh-- What now?”

 

“You see, David, you’re in Heaven. God has decided your time was up on Earth! But that’s not a bad thing, it’s not scary, it’s just a part of the cycle!”

 

“Right…” David gave a smile, “This is a prank. Okay, I get it. Which one of you planned this?”

 

“God did, like I said.”

 

“Who hired you to do this, seriously? Wait, that means you drugged me! All for a prank?! Which one of you apples--”

 

Daniel grinned.

 

“Apples!”

 

Daniel laughed, “Ah, it never gets old! You see, you can’t curse here.”

 

“What the fudge?!”

 

“We have to make it family-friendly here. We get all kinds of ages here, even toddlers and infants. But that’s how life goes. God has a reason for everything!”

 

“No! What the fudge did you do to me?!”

 

“Ahh, well, it’s a lot to explain. Can I get you a coffee?”

 

“So you can drug me again? Fudge that!”

 

“Hmm, I didn’t expect you to try and curse so much. After all on your papers it said you were quite clean when it came to your words.” He smiled again, “But it’s a lot to take in when you realize you’ve died. Sometimes people pass out again, others dry heave, and some, like you, happen to, uh, snap. Yeah, that’s the term. Snap.” He snapped his fingers with a grin.

 

David’s breathing quickened, “This… This is all a dream.”

 

“See, that’s a thing that’s always so weird. Every time you humans get in a situation like this, one of the first things you come up with is that it’s a dream. Could you explain that to me? Usually dreams are random and erratic, and I’d say this place is quite normal. I don’t know, just doesn’t make too much sense to me. I once had a dream about--”

 

“Please, just tell where I am.”

 

Daniel gave a light sigh, “I guess I’ll just have to show you. But first, coffee?”

 

He snapped his fingers and a cup of black coffee appeared in David’s hands.

 

“What the?!”

 

“How do you like yours? Cream? Sugar? Or would you prefer tea? Water? Anything really! Besides alcohol, you know, family-friendly rules and all!”

 

David dropped it in fear and Daniel shook his head, still with that smile, “Ah, David, it wasn’t drugged. You’re quite the silly one.” He snapped his fingers again and the mess was gone. “I have a question for you now, David. What do you remember before coming here?”

 

“I uhm, I don’t know… I guess I was sitting at my office desk?”

 

“You guess? Or you know?”

 

“I’m unsure…”

 

“That’s good to hear. We can’t have you remember all the trauma that comes with the experience of dying. That means the numbing pill worked!”

 

“SO YOU DID DRUG ME!”

 

“Oh, well, I guess we did. But not to fear! It won’t hurt you, actually, it does the opposite!”

 

“This can’t be happening… I’m on drugs… I’m seeing things…”

 

“Well, you  _ do  _ have your eyes open.”

 

David stood up, “I need to leave. Immediately.”

 

“I actually need to ask you more questions… I usually ask a few simple ones while sitting down here so you don’t get sickness due to the Insensates.” 

 

“Insensates?”

 

“That’s what we call the pills. Either way, I locked the door so if you’ll please sit back down so we can get this over with.” He said smiling per usual, but tapped his golden pen on one of the papers.

 

David sighed and sat back down.

 

“Thank you. Now let’s see here…” Daniel set his pen down and hummed as he looked through the pages. “Aha!” He exclaimed. “First question, name?”

 

“You already knew it… It’s David.”

 

“Gotcha. Age?”

 

“Twenty four…”

 

“Relationship?”

 

“Single…”

 

Daniel looked up, “...Sexuality?”

 

“I uhm, how are these relevant?”

 

“I’m just kidding! God doesn’t actually judge based on orientation. The next actual question is, employment.”

 

“I have two jobs, actually. I work at a store that sells camping supplies and at an office for a company that sells pet accessories.”

 

“Oh! That’s interesting. I own a cat myself. Well, I don’t  _ own  _ him, animals just kind of do their own thing in their own level of Heaven, but occasionally animals choose someone to get close with and follow them to the human plane, kind of like a guardian. Anyways, next question… What’s your aesthetic?”

 

“My what? Why?”

 

“Well we’re not going to just toss you to the streets. You’ll get your own home with a pre-decorated theme.”

 

“A house? I already--”

 

“David, you’re in Heaven. You’re not going back to the Earth plane. The sooner you accept that you’ve moved on, the easier it’ll be.” His sympathy shown on his face for a moment before the glee kicked in, “And I’ll make sure to be your guide on your journey!”

 

“Does that make  _ you  _ my guardian angel?”

 

Daniel tilted his head, eyes up, humming, “Hmm…” He looked back to David. “I guess in a sense, yes!”

 

“Also, I guess my aesthetic is pretty bright. My favorite color is green... And I like the forest.”

 

“So a log cabin?”

 

“Yeah that’d be nice.”

 

“Any preference regarding a view? I’d assume a forest and lake?”

 

David nodded. 

 

Daniel snapped his fingers, “All done!”

 

“Uh huh... Well, since this is a dream… I think I’ll just go fly or something.”

 

Daniel laughed, “As much as that would be great, we don’t allow flying on this plane. We’ve had some, complications, regarding letting people do abnormal things. That’s why we keep people from snapping their fingers to get what they want. People would abuse that power, despite their good morality to get here. Our standards aren’t that high since we have so many people constantly dying, plus the ones that are already here. And we can’t keep them all waiting in Purgatory for no reason, and sending someone to Hell for stealing a keychain would be pretty silly, wouldn’t it?”

 

David yawned, “As nice as it is here, I hope I wake up soon. I’m not really one for dreaming since it just makes me more exhausted when I wake up.”

 

Daniel just hummed, “Sure, David. If that helps you with getting used to your new surroundings.” He checked his white watch, “Well, I think it’s time we oughta get you to your new home. I’m sure the Insensates have worn off by now.” He stood up, “I’d snap you over there but alas, it’s dangerous to instant travel with a human. I try and do it as little as possible.” He snapped to unlock the door. “After you.”

 

David went for the door, Daniel following behind. He was eager to see what the house would look like, but hoped he’d wake up soon.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. The Drive

Daniel brought him to a white limousine that was parked outside and opened the backdoor for him. David stepped in, scooting to the other side while Daniel sat across from him, facing the opposite way of the front of the car. Daniel was  _ still  _ smiling. David was a gleeful man himself but Daniel exceeded him by a longshot.

 

“Oh you’ll absolutely love it here! So far I haven’t met anyone who  _ hasn’t  _ enjoyed it, so surely you won’t be the first!”

 

“I doubt I will be.” David managed a smile.

 

“That’s the spirit! Well, while we’re waiting, would you like a glass of sparkling grape juice?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“I insist!” Daniel said, grabbing a bottle from a case that was connected to one of the doors, then two glasses. He poured one for David, handing it to him and then poured one for himself. He put the bottle back and then held out his glass to clink it with David’s,

 

“Cheers!” He exclaimed cheerfully.

 

“Cheers.” David said back.

 

They touched glasses and Daniel drank from his then exhaled, “Always so refreshing!”

 

David sipped his silently, which made Daniel frown.

 

“Is something wrong?” Daniel asked.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing… I’m just surprised how long this dream is.”

 

Daniel grinned, “I see, I see… I think you’ll snap out of it soon.” He snapped, making his glass disappear. He leaned forward, elbow resting on his leg and hand holding his chin up, “I think you’ll get by here quite well. After all, you’re an attractive young man with a good morality. I’m sure you’ll find your soulmate soon.”

 

“Wait, did you say soulmate?”

 

Daniel hummed, “Yes. Most people get soulmates unless they don’t want one. But I have a feeling that’s what you want, isn’t it? Do you want someone that’ll be by your side?”

 

“I mean, yeah. But soulmates don’t really exist.”

 

“They do here.”

 

“When will I be assigned one then?”

 

“Depends. Sometimes it takes a day, sometimes a week, sometimes people wait longer because their soulmate hasn’t passed yet.”

 

“And there’s no way of knowing?”

 

“Ah, no. We don’t tell people because counting the days can seem longer.”

 

“So, I may be waiting years for my soulmate?”

 

“Sometimes decades or centuries. After all, sometimes people have soulmates from other time periods.”

 

“Fudging Christ.”

 

“It’s rewarding though, then you get to be with someone who will perfectly complement you for the rest of eternity.”

 

“Eternity? You must be joking…”

 

“As long as Heaven isn’t corrupted, yes.”

 

“...Corrupted?”

 

Daniel hummed again, but this time had concern in his eyes but a smile still plastered against his face, “Well, David, I’ll be honest with you because I like you a lot. Hell can be quite difficult to control at times. Demons tend to reproduce faster than angels. And many of them want to take over Heaven. Who knows why… Probably to torture pure souls just for the heck of it.”

 

“But God is the almighty and powerful right?”

 

“Well of course he has most of the power, but you’ve got to understand that Satan was a creation of his own, almost like a son, he gave him just as much control. But we have a deal with him. It’s his followers that are the problem. They don’t like to listen to anyone.”

 

“So you’re saying, Satan isn’t that bad of a guy?”

 

“Oh no, he’s horrendous. I mean, who would want to hurt people? But alas, he does serve a purpose. He ‘punishes’ the sinners so they can find redemption. Sort of like the mindset that parents have when they hit their kids. It’s quite extreme in my opinion, but I guess that’s just how it goes.”

David took another drink, “This is all too much.”

 

“Well you don’t have to finish it.”

 

“No, I mean the information. It’s a lot to take in… By the way, does everyone have a guardian angel?”

 

“Usually only until they find their true soulmate.”

 

“Does that mean you’ll leave me once I find him?”

 

“Oh, him?” Daniel seemed to smirk for once. “So you’re attracted to men?”

 

“I-it just slipped. I didn’t--”

 

“It’s fine, David. After all, we don’t judge people over something as natural as sexuality unlike you humans do on Earth.”

 

“W-well what about you? Do you like anyone?”

 

“That’s a bit confidential. I can’t interfere with my own emotions, it’s against our code of conduct.”

 

“But you mentioned reproduction amongst angels, so surely you…?”

 

“It happens, yes. Usually with each other. I can tell you though, my crush isn’t an angel. Despite them being so darn close to being one.” He gave a dreamy look.

 

“So you don’t have soulmates?”

 

“No, we do. But it takes a while, which is why it takes us more effort to reproduce. Unlike demons who mate with just about anyone.”

 

“I have another question.”

 

“Yes?” 

 

“How many other ‘planes’ are there?”

 

“At the top we have the most innocent, plants--”

 

“Wait wait wait, plants?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay… Go on I guess.”

 

“Then animals and insects. Then humans. Middle plane is Purgatory which is like a painless, timeless, numb experience. Like a waiting room but with absence. That’s where we put the souls of those who have yet to live, and the ones who have already lived before they’re assigned a plane. Next we have the levels of Hell…”

 

“How many levels are there?”

 

“Well, we start with the lower sins such as compulsive liars and cheaters and that sort. Next level is more extreme, for murderers and the people who choose to be greedy with basic human needs, such as billionaires. Last we have the worst level of Hell, for torturers, rapists, and animal abusers.”

 

“So there’s no levels for Heaven when it comes to humans?”

 

“Not yet. We don’t have that sorted out yet. After all, beforehand we didn’t have to do that much because there weren’t that many of you. Next thing you know there was just more and more… You sure are a frisky bunch.” Daniel chuckled.

 

“How long do we have until we get there?”

 

“Oh you mean your new home?”

 

“Yeah, it’s been awhile.”

 

“We’re actually there already! We just got so caught up in talking, I didn’t want to interrupt your questions.”

 

“Well let’s see what my mind has come up with now…”

 

Daniel opened the door for him, letting David crawl out first before stepping out himself. David gaped at the impressive cabin. It was huge and surprisingly modern. It was like the house of his dreams compared to his shitty apartment back on Earth. 

 

“Wow…”

 

“Nice, isn’t it?”

 

“It’s flipping amazing.”

 

“Let’s step inside, shall we?”

 

David nodded his head, following the blonde up the steps to his new home.

 


End file.
